How to turn negative self talk around

It sounds simple, and people who have a positive internal voice make it seem so simple

Are you telling me your internal voice isn’t telling you that your coworker hates you because they didn’t smile once?

This is often caused by trauma in your life. It could be from any one point in your childhood, an old workplace where you experienced harassment, or a partner that was abusive. Regardless of where it come from, now you’re continuing their abuse in your own head to yourself.

But how do you change it? How do you undo the damage?

It’s a skill you need to build. No one is innately good at anything, including positive self talk. (Unless they are a rare person without much if any trauma). The way you speak to yourself isn’t going to change tomorrow just because you want that to be true. It’s only going to change with continuous effort. Just like if you want to be good at drawing, you practice. If you want to be good at playing guitar, you practice. If you want to be good at speaking kindly to yourself, you practice.

Challenge that voice. “They didn’t smile at me so they hate me” -> “I can’t see into their mind, they might just be having a bad day that has nothing to do with me”

“I made a mistake. I can never get it right. Why am I like this? -> “I don’t think about new learners like this. I never judge them this harshly when they’re learning, so why would I do that to myself?”

Challenge yourself at least once a day

One day you’ll notice the resistance to being kind to yourself will be gone